I was recently reminded of an event that happened at my last job that
would be a funny story to share.
The small company that I worked for, at the time had maybe 15 employees.
Our office was in a much larger office building, and as a result we
shared common areas, and bathrooms with other companies.
One of the guys that I worked with, Mark, was kind of different chap.
Fun to chat with, always seemed to have a good story, and for some
reason things out of the ordinary happened to him. He also liked to brag
about his street credibility because he grew up in central St Paul. Part
of his street cred he claimed was by keeping his shoes clean and white
all of the time.
One afternoon he announced that he was going to go out and take a smoke
break. About ten minutes after he left, I needed to use the bathroom.
After I finished using the urinal I notice Mark's trademark white shoes
under the stall.
Seeing his shoes under the stall, and knowing how much of a jokester he
was, I thought there is no way I can leave without doing something.
While washing my hands I briefly considered just tossing the wet paper
towels I had used to dry my hands with over the top of the stall. I
decided against that simply because I am not that big of a jerk.
So I grabbed two dry paper towels and wadded them up to toss over the
stall, hoping to hit him in the head. As luck would befall me, at the
exact moment that I was wadding up the paper another guy whom I had
never seen before walked into the adjoining stall and started to close
the door. I tossed my paper wad over the top of Mark's stall, but
surprisingly didn't see or hear any sort of reaction. I thought for sure
I would hear a "what the" or see his feet shift slightly. Seeing or
hearing nothing I assumed that I most have missed him, I just quietly
exited the bathroom.
Upon returning to my desk I told one of my cube neighbors that I had
tried pulling a prank on Mark, and to play it cool when it returns.
Close to 20 or 30 minutes passed before he returned, I beginning to
wonder what took him so long.
He returned to our area upset and getting more upset. He started out by
saying, "You'll never believe what just happened to me! First of all
when I walked into the bathroom the first toilet stall that I went into
had all kinds of 'butt crumbs' on the seat, so there was no way I was
using that seat. I was sitting down doing my business when some jerk
came into the stall next to me. He proceeded to wipe off the top of the
seat and then tossed the paper over the top of the stall, and it hit me
in the head!"
I gave him a very surprised look, and proclaimed; "Wow, I can't believe
that happened to you. Who would do such a thing?"
"I know!" He stammered back. Getting madder and madder as he continued
his story. "I was so stunned at what just happened I just sat there. The
more I sat there waiting to finish my business the madder I got! I
wanted to tell the guy off, however by the time I left the stall he had
already left the bathroom."
We asked him what he was going to do about what just happened.
"Well," he started "I'll recognize his damn shoes and pants anywhere. If
I see him we are going to have some words and I would like to kick his
I could tell from his face that he was serious that if he found someone
wearing a matching pair of shoes to his imagined perpetrator and didn't
receive and instant apology he might take a swing at the guy. Part of
the reason that he took so long to return to his desk is that he stopped
at our receptionist and first told the same story to him. She was beside
herself listening to his story. More than once she asked him if it could
have been me, as she had seen me return from the bathroom a few minutes
before. He went on to tell her that it couldn't have been me, because he
had seen the other guy's shoes.
I knew that Mark's mystery perp was none of the guys in the office so I
wasn't worried that he would start anything with any of our fellow
coworkers. I did watch with much amusement as he walked by each person's
cubical to check out the shoes and pants that each guy was wearing. I
straining so hard to hold back laughing that my throat was starting to
hurt and my eyes were starting to tear up.
Mark announced, "In a couple hours I'm going to go and hang outside the
bathroom. I figure that guy eventually will have to go to the bathroom
again. When he does, I'll be there waiting and we will have this out
once and for all."
About 30 minutes had passed since he had returned to his desk, and at
this announcement I figured for the safety of some random guy I had
better confess to being his bathroom paper tosser. Also I could no
longer hold back the laughter, my sides were hurting so much from
watching him get upset at what had happened to him.
I began explaining to him what had actually and how I was the cause of
all of his raised blood pressure. As I retold the story from my
perspective it slowly sank into him, and it appeared he became a bit
sad. I think that he was starting to look forward to possibly getting
into a fight with some random guy for tossing a piece of paper towel
loaded with 'butt crumbs' and hitting him in the head.